I've never felt as terrible like yesterday before. Last sunday i recalled myself making a call to my uncle asking for a meet up. The sole purpose of it was to collect my cheque to pay for my school fees. Then he goes saying..why not meet up on a sunday evening and you can attend a talk by my church too? At the sound it, my heart skips a beat. I admit that i felt very reluctant about it because I didn't like going to his church. But for that sake of the cheque, I have to do it.

Dragged myself out of the house and went to meet him. The moment I got into the car, he broke the news to me. He has made the payment for me already and yet he chose to remain silent about! I can't run away now...and when we arrived at his church, he told me there's also baptism. That moment I assume, it's not just talks that I've been attending to but Christian service all the while! I really didn't like the fact that he can't come clean about this.

Stepping into his church has always made me felt nauseous. I couldn't concerntrate at all...staring at that blank piece of wall, of which the ceiling is so high. No crucifix or cross to keep my gaze focused at all. With my aunty on my left and my uncle on my right, the entire service started. An opening prayer was led without the sign of the cross. It simply just felt so weird to me. Then, hymns were sung of which it felt so foreign to me. Even their baptism were so much different from ours. The person was totally submerged into the pool and after that, getting out all drenched.

With all the anger and unhappiness within, I simply shut out from the whole entire thing. I just chose not to be participative at all. It's just too much for me to handle in 1 evening.

At the end of it there was even a newcomer package which includes a feedback form and other stuff. At the back of my mind, I was pleading to be spared. But the moment when my uncle raised his hand to collect it, i knew that's it for me! I asked my aunty if it is a must to fill up the feedback form? And she said, if you fill up this now, the next time you need not fill up again. With that I decided...there musn't be a next time! So I filled it up. Typical, so typical. My uncle offers to help me submit the feedback form. At the corner of my eyes I saw him looking through what I have written. Speechless.

Had dinner at mac and he suddenly asked me the weirdest question of all. Why doesn't the mass combines the charismatic session together? In my mind i just thought he was insane! I seriously don't understand them both! Earlier in the year, I've already clearly expressed to them both that my faith has already be rooted to God. But here they are...trying to tell me to accept Jesus. Worst still, keep making my option of attending their service an obligation for me!

Actually I see no difference in their Jesus and mine. But I'm just annoyed by the fact that they thought I was ignorant about God and they tried to "convert" me.

I'm happy and thankful to God that I am a catholic! Even if I'm in another church attending mass, at least we'll be saying the same set of prayers, hearing the same set of gospel readings. For in the catholic church there exist this thing called "oneness". 1 Father, 1 Church, 1 Community, 1 Voice, 1 Prayer, 1 Mass, 1 Family! How comforting and affirming this is to me.

Great. Felt so much better today!